Sticky Caramel Syrup

lighthouse05med01She’s beautiful. You can’t believe how the sunlight gleams golden off of her blonde hair while she is walking through the parking lot on the way to her car after work. It looks like dripping honey. You stop her with a question that is thinly veiled as work-related. You are trying to get up the nerve to be more forward, and her body language has been telling you to go for it. Her words are not only provocative, but encouraging. Your mind’s eye plays an image of her dressed in a sheer negligee from Victoria’s Secret. Your wife sure would not put one on. And after all, who would know if you pursued this beauty? Your best friend wouldn’t tell your wife. In fact, he’d be jealous that you were able to score someone so beautiful and he wasn’t.

Work isn’t exactly fulfilling. You could do most of your daily grind on auto-pilot, but lately, you’ve found that you could hardly wait to get to work. If she stayed late, you phoned your wife, told her you’d be late, and found a pressing reason to be at your desk after hours so you could grab a bite of dinner with her at the neighborhood bar and grill . Your boss thinks you’re being very dedicated. Your friends flash you sly winks on the way out the door.

You’re pretty sure you have the green light. She is coming on to you every 5 seconds. You are forced to acknowledge that she also regularly comes on to one of your male bosses and two other supervisors right in front of you. You’re not the only one she’s interested in, and she want’s you to know it. If you don’t jump at her invitation to have a sexual relationship with her, someone else will get there first.

This girl’s breasts are at least two sizes bigger than your wife’s, and that is a big, big draw on your attention. The way she jiggles those twins makes you crazy in lust. Her face is always made up beautifully. Her hair is always curled and full of body, swaying in the light. So much so that you would like to put your hands in the soft curls. She always wears short skirts and tight slacks, and low-cut blouses that accentuate every curve. She speaks to you in soft, sexy tones. You can tell that she knows what she’s doing. She’s been around the block a few times.

Your wife, on the other hand, has allowed herself to lapse into a state of lazy familiarity. Her hair is twisted up in a scrunchy mess.  She wears a boring variety of mom clothes, and when she is not working, her uniform is sweats. Period. Your wife is irritated with you most of the time and takes out her frustrations on you every day. The minute you walk through the door she will be waiting for you like a spider in a web. You do not want to hear one more complaint about children and housework. Makes a guy not want to go home.

This beautiful girl is a fresh, new face in a sea of old, already known ones. You even went so far as to peek at her resume to look at her background bio. Just curious. You know she is married, but she doesn’t wear a wedding ring in the office, so you figure any vows made don’t mean anything to her.

You saw in Beauty’s bio that she had worked for a rival firm, and then you saw two transfers from other cities while she was working for your current firm. She appears to move around a lot. Inside the hope chest of your heart, you believe that you can provide her with enough incentive to stay around for a while. Your mind even plays out a scene that you have divorced your wife and you are living happily ever after, lost in a sexual wonderland that your friends can only dream about. Your mind has a hard time moving you from your fantasy bedroom scenes and back into the real world. What comes next? You don’t envision having a child with her. That would ruin the perfect scenario. Two’s company; three’s a crowd.

When you were newly married the sex was phenomenal, and you were laboring under the mistaken belief that it would be that way forever. Your wife seemed to think so too. You had set a path together, and you had both been excited about your future prospects. Everything had been new and wonderful. When you found out your wife was pregnant you celebrated, but you also felt uncertain. You didn’t show it because you didn’t want to upset her. You were proud, and a little worried, that you were actually going to be a “Dad”.

When your child was born, you were openly the proud papa handing out cigars and counting piggies on the newborn’s perfect little fingers and toes. But you quickly learned that babies require a lot of attention, and you finally realized that when your wife focused her loving eyes, the only thing she could see in the room was your son. You had faded into the background like wallpaper. Since then, you have tried over and over again to get that sexual itch scratched, but your wife is pushing you away. Again and again and again. . . I’m tired. I have a headache. Not now. You are lucky to have sex twice a month. You can’t believe it. How did that ever happen to someone with a reputation like yours?

If things were better at home, you would not be looking around. You’ve finally faded your wife’s image into wallpaper, just like she does to you every day. She doesn’t stack up against this one. You have decided that it is all your wife’s fault that you want to hook up with this gorgeous girl. Your mind spends time every day trying to think of how to achieve this goal. The sense of urgency is maddening. If you don’t get relief from your desire soon, you are literally going to explode under the pressure . . .


. . . Your desire for sex has brought you to this point of destruction of everything you have carefully built. You are ready to have an affair on your wife with a beautiful woman who has moved into three different jobs because she has left destroyed males and ruined marriages behind at every job she’s been in. You are getting ready to be her next victim. She’s a master player. You aren’t her first, and you won’t be her last.

“And I find more bitter than death the woman,
whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands:
whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her;
but the sinner shall be taken by her.”
Ecclesiastes 7:26

You are trading your wife and your child, your true jewels, for a fake diamond. A grand illusion of nothing. A beautiful, false stone worth two cents in the market. Your life’s success is wrapped up in that boring little box of a house that you own. Your family. Your wife. Your child. Nothing is more important than they are. God will try . . .

To keep thee from the evil woman,
from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.
Lust not after her beauty in thine heart;
neither let her take thee with her eyelids.
For by means of a whorish woman
a man is brought to a piece of bread:
and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.”
Proverb 6:24-26

Did your wife overthrow the government in your house? Is she both king and queen? Didn’t you have a part in the loss of that power by your silence?

Your wife is the boss of your house because you gave her permission to take that chair. This was supposed to be an equal partnership, wasn’t it? A king and a queen.

Go home. Get your crown out of the closet and dust it off. Tell your wife you are starting to look at other women seriously. Do you think that I don’t know that she will rage at you? It will be like you turned a blowtorch on yourself. Be brave. You were once brave. Do you know that a woman will do anything to preserve her child, her husband, and her home when she is under assault by another female? Or anyone else for that matter.

Your wife is not your mother, and yet you appear to have a great fear of her. If she rejects your terms, that is the equivalent of pulling your tongue out of your mouth and tying it in a knot. No one could live happily under those circumstances. That is what made you dissatisfied in the first place.

Tell your wife that you’re being honest with her about your needs, thoughts, and intents. If she doesn’t take your desires seriously, then tell her that you are both headed for a divorce court.

One thing is for sure, if you step out of this relationship, it should be an honorable discharge. No sneaking around like a coward.

She may see you as the immediate threat to hearth and home. Don’t stay for the rage.You are still half of this government and your voice matters. No more being derided for your opinion. Calmly arrange to stay with a friend until her anger cools. Sit down with her when she is ready to talk and tell her what it will take to keep you in this relationship. I’m sure that she will tell you what it will take to keep her in this relationship, too.

If she’s gained 20 pounds and you don’t feel as attracted to her, tell her that you’ll get gym memberships and arrange to go to the gym together. It is not shallow to want your wife to maintain herself after marriage. It’s human nature. But the same thing goes for you. If you’re overweight, go do something about it.

Tell her that she and Junior are the most important things in the world to you and, with her help, you intend to keep it that way. Put all of your energy into hearth and home.

If you do not use your voice to tell your wife that your heart has become unhappy and your life is unsatisfying, silence will be the deadly threat to your household. Your wife will have no clue that your eye has wandered, or why. If you engage in an affair, you have put yourself into a disgraceful situation and your wife cannot defend herself against your unfair silence.

“My son, attend unto my wisdom,
and bow thine ear to my understanding:
That thou mayest regard discretion,
and that thy lips may keep knowledge.
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb,
and her mouth is smoother than oil:
But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.”
Proverbs 5:1-5

Somewhere along the path of life you have lost your way. Find it. If you have already slept with Beauty, confess it. Find the courage to quit denying your affair.

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman
lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.
Proverbs 6:32

I once saw a cockroach upside down on a kitchen floor, drowned in a huge puddle of pancake syrup. I thought it was interesting to see a large bug like that roach attracted to the sweet maple and caramel smell of syrup, drowned in the pure object of its desire. A fitting end to an insect that spreads disease.

For a whore is a deep ditch;
and a strange woman is a narrow pit.
She also lieth in wait as for a prey,
and increaseth the transgressors among men.”
Proverbs 23:27-28

The hot chick at work is a trap that you do not need to fall into. Someone else will do that instead of you. Shake this woman off or drown in defeat and dishonor in the sticky caramel syrup of your desire.


Sage Advice

We stomped around in our mother’s high heals when we were 3 years old. We wore her jewelry for fun. We played dress-up in her closet and destroyed her cosmetics, trying to paint rouge and lipstick on our faces. We looked like tiny made-up clowns then, and sometimes we do now, too. We practice for this part for 20 years before we married you.

We debuted for this starring role at our weddings, which we tried to make as perfect as possible. After all, this is the opening scene of our new lives together.

It never dawned on us that you would prefer to see us out of the big white dress on that big day, not in it.

We decorated our houses the way we wanted them and barely gave you any room for your clothes. You should understand that we have a lot of shoes and purses to shelve. You see anything fair about this?

We certainly don’t care that the big house you purchased for us is too far for you to commute to work because we do not drive it. You see anything fair about this?

We certainly don’t care that you have to beg for a man-cave because we will deny your petition. Every tiny space in our house belongs to us, not you. To do with as we see fit. Who cares if you pay half or all of the mortgage on the castle?
You see anything fair about this?

We love the yard in front of the big house you bought for us. Generally, we consider the maintenance of the yard man’s territory. But if we knew we had to mow it, we would not pick a house with a yard that was quite that impressive. Not even for the children. You see anything fair about this?

Give up game night with your friends two times in a row and you will never see game night again.

Is this what you signed up for when you married? You have become an indentured servant, and you pay half, or most of the bills.

Remember, you got to this place because you remained silent. Don’t fall for the “happy wife, happy life” crap. Doesn’t work exactly as advertised, does it? You give in, and you will be giving in forever. Your silence did not protect your right to exist happily in this world. Your silence created this mess. Only your voice can fix it. Be a man.

A woman will do anything to protect hearth and home.

“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest
all the days of the life of thy vanity,
which he hath given thee under the sun,
all the days of thy vanity:
for that is the portion in this life,
and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun.”
Ecclesiastes 9:9